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For a long time, I promised myself that I would not let
beautiful people with titanium hearts
tattoo themselves on my lungs.
But here we are, tripping out of this
goddamn nightmare again.
I wish I could rip off my skin
and make it into something that you’ve never touched, see,
even my bruises groan your name at three a.m.,
waking me up from dreams where you’re not my wrecking ball.
I drank three cups of coffee today to have an excuse
for shaking over you, but the anger came anyway.
I pretend all this screaming is getting you out of my system,
but we both know we left it too late for me not to shatter.
When you retell this story, I will be the villain.
I know this because that’s how it’s happened every time,
with the blame pinned down my spine.
Yes, you like your girls funny, but you only know
how to make them sad, and that’s where the hard nights came in,
with your voice a flat line on the heart monitor,
saying words that made you sound dead inside.
I saw you as a person, you saw me as a way to kill time.
Now I’m fucking beating my poetry to death,
trying to make something other than you come out,
but I end up puking your name onto the page
like you’ve ingrained it into my bones.
This is not your home. Do not turn me into an elegy,
I am so much better than that.
Ever since I met you, every poem’s worn your face,
and I tried to make this one about anything but your smile
and all the lies that led us here,
but you’re still my stigmata.

Every fucking time, Goddamn it.

A Letter to Love | d.a.s (via backshelfpoet)

If they don’t reply to your texts — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t call you — they’re not interested in you.

If they forget your birthday — they’re not interested in you.

If they’re hung up on their ex — they’re not interested in you.

If they’re obsessed with being single — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t want to meet your friends — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t want you to meet their friends — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t ask questions about your life — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t tell you things about their life — they’re not interested in you.

If they only speak to you when they want to have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.

If they only have sex with you when they’re drunk — they’re not interested in you.

If they say “should we just keep this between us?’ after you have sex with them — they’re not interested in you.

If they don’t have sex with you — they’re not interested in you.

If they can always find a psychobabble rationale about who “I am” or “you are” or “we are” as reason why you can’t be together — they’re not interested in you.

If they have said for more than six months that they would like to be with you “BUT” — they’re not interested in you.

And if you still need convincing — think of it this way. Think of what the real day-to-day of life is taken up by. Life is birthday parties at terrible pubs. Life is losing your credit card and the annual Melbourne Cup sweepstake in the office. Life is hen’s nights, bucks’ nights, sitting on the phone for three hours to get U2 tickets and not getting them, the apartment upstairs flooding your house, interval training, calorie counting, cancer scares, illegal mini cabs, Secret Santa, rail replacement buses and Dido albums. Dogs die, cars crash, bin liners break, contracts end, curtain rails collapse, trains get delayed, football teams lose. Divorce happens and so do earthquakes and so does An Audience With Michael Bublé. Landlords put rent up, phones get stolen and the supermarket often completely runs out of hummus.

Now, taking all of the above into account — you look me dead in the eye and tell me the truth. Do you really have enough spare energy to pursue someone who isn’t interested in you? Do you really want to waste any more time on top of all of that? No. Me neither. So give it up, my friend. It’s a loser’s game. Delete their number. Don’t go on any more dates with them. Stop lurking their Facebook page. Feels good, doesn’t it?

Dolly Alderton - gaslightgoodbye (via perfect)
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